


your message i'm keeping (and never deleting)

by niamdox



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton still isn't over it, Breakups, Calum tries but fails miserably, Heartbreak, I just wanted to finish this, I might write a part two, I need to stop this, Idk if people want one I'll write one, Luke broke up with him a month ago, M/M, Michael is a sweetheart and tries to help him, Sad Ashton, just a lot of angst and a potential happy ending, theres really no dialogue, this is all lowercase for a reason again don't ask me why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:59:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2094849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamdox/pseuds/niamdox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>michael promised that it would get better while they sat curled up together on the hard floor in front of the tv in the living room. watching cheesy rom-coms that made ashton throw popcorn at the tv when the couple on the screen inevitably broke up for some stupid reason, and then cry when they made up and lived happily ever after in the end because his life is not a romantic comedy. luke wasn't going to have an epiphany and come running back to ashton's door, picking up ashton and kissing him, telling him over and over how stupid he is for ever letting go of the best thing in his life.</p><div class="center">
  <p>----</p>
</div>or- the one where Luke broke up with Ashton a month ago, and Ashton still isn't over it. He hangs onto the past, and in the end, Michael might just be right.
            </blockquote>





	your message i'm keeping (and never deleting)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is vaguely inspired by Tee Shirt by Birdy from the TFIOS soundtrack and Stay With Me by Sam Smith and a bunch of other sad breakup-y songs I've been listening to far too much lately.
> 
> I really need to stop writing 5SOS fics in all lowercase but I started it in lowercase and I would go in and change it but I'm way too lazy to go in and manually do that. Whatever. Lowercase letters are punk rock.

ashton groped around groggily at the other side of the bed, his hand searching for a warm body that wasn't there. that wouldn't be there again. because luke was  _gone._  gone in a flurry of tears and harsh words that neither of them really meant. gone with the slam of the heavy wood and steel that made up ashton's apartment door. it had all been a month ago, a long, hard month that only seemed to get harder.

michael promised that it would get better while they sat curled up together on the hard floor in front of the tv in the living room. watching cheesy rom-coms that made ashton throw popcorn at the tv when the couple on the screen inevitably broke up for some stupid reason, and then cry when they made up and lived happily ever after in the end because his life is not a romantic comedy. luke wasn't going to have an epiphany and come running back to ashton's door, picking up ashton and kissing him, telling him over and over how stupid he is for ever letting go of the best thing in his life. no, luke is too stubborn for that. luke would never admit he was wrong about anything, even if he knew he was wrong. that was the basis for many playful fights over the weeks and months the two were together. fights that ended in tickle fights and giggles and a tangle of limbs and bodies sprawled out on the floor.

it was hard to believe michael's promises of how it would all get better and how he would eventually move on from luke because  _"there are other fish in the sea, my friend"_ when michael was also the same person who swore he would never fall in love since they were in the first grade and so far has kept that vow. (though that didn't mean he didn't get around, ashton could vouch for that personally.) he took calum's promises more seriously. 

 _"don't get me wrong, it'll suck and hurt like a bitch, and he might even stick around in the back of your mind when you get another guy and only realize it in the middle of fucking him, but..wait, what was my point here?"_  he'd told ashton over a tub of ice cream the one time he'd decided to invite calum over for one of his and michael's movie nights. needless to say, he hadn't been invited back, but that didn't mean he hadn't left his impact on ashton's idea of how breakups went.

but none of that was important right now, because ashton was alone, in his lonely apartment, awake at six am because that was the time luke used to get up for work, and ashton always used to wake up and pull on the jumper luke had worn the day before and sit with him for breakfast before seeing him off for the day. old habits die hard, apparently, because here he was, waking up at the ass crack of dawn for no reason. there wasn't even a jumper that smelled like luke to wear even if all luke's clothes were too big for him anyway, but that was the way he liked it. he did have a hoodie of michael's sitting at the bottom of his closet, though. except michael's clothes just about fit him and they definately didn't smell as good as luke's did. that didn't stop ashton from picking it up begrudgingly and shrugging it on because it was there and it was warm and it was better than wrapping himself in his comforter and attempting to get down the stairs without falling on his face again.

the kitchen was even colder than the bedroom, and the cold tiles froze ashton's bare feet while he padded over to the coffee machine and set about making himself a mug of hot chocolate in a vain attempt to wake himself up. the clicks and whirrs from the machine broke the heavy silence in the room, yet managed to make the silence even more defining. ashton switched on the small radio on the counter to combat the silence. right when he switched it on, the dj put on that one sam smith song that had been playing constantly for weeks now. the one ashton loved until luke left.

now, the lyrics only cut through him like a knife because it reminded him of one late night he'd spent with luke, cuddled up on the floor, ashton's head laying on luke's stomach with luke's hand tucked in the messy tangles of ashton's hair. luke hummed along to the song, gently scratching ashton's scalp in time, singing along with his favorite lines and looking at ashton with that look that made him feel like he was luke's everything.

shutting off the radio, he look his mug out from under the machine and dumped a handful of marshmallows in before shuffling back upstairs. it would be hours before michael was awake and calum would be on his way to work by now anyway, so what was the point in doing anything but sitting in bed? he had a sort of routine down for weekdays by now. get up, make hot chocolate, and then spend the morning going through his phone, trying to put himself back in the place he had been only a month before. he knew it wasn't healthy to dwell so much on the past, and michael kept trying to tell him that it was sort of creepy to be so obsessed with his ex-boyfriend, but he couldn't really find the willpower to care too much. it wasn't like he facebook stalked luke or anything. (not like he could, even if he wanted to. he'd checked the day after they broke up, and saw luke had already unfriended him and set his account to private. that hurt more than ashton wanted to admit.) 

he took a sip of his hot chocolate and set the mug down on his bedside table, taking his phone off the charger and snuggling down into his heap on blankets. he always started in the same place in his camera roll, a picture from his and luke's first date that they had the waiter at the restaurant. luke's hair was longer back then, it got in his eyes and made it hard for him to see. ashton's hair wasn't much better, and he had been embarrassed by the picture since he got a haircut and let it grow back curlier. but now he held it close as a reminder.

there were hundreds of pictures of luke. of ashton and luke together. they'd dated for two years, a fact that only became more apparent as the pictures went by. watching all that history go by made ashton a little teary eyed because it all ended so fast. he liked to think that luke thought back on all that time fondly. he hoped there weren't any regrets, aside from breaking up, maybe.

but he probably didn't. he probably already moved on to bigger and better things that ashton couldn't give him. that thought hurt a little bit too.

ashton sighed, tearing his eyes away from the most recent picture and nuzzling his face into his blanket until the tears were mostly fought back. he swiped the picture off the screen and dialed the number for his voicemail. it was a number he knew well, by now, because he called it every morning just to hear luke's voice and his stupid giggle and hear i love you  _'just one more time'_  he told himself every morning.  _'just one more time, and i'll delete it.'_  (but deep down, he was never deleting it. that last message would be there until hell froze over.)

_"you have, one, saved message. to play saved messages, press-"_ the robotic voice on the other end came through ashton's phone, cut off by ashton pressing the corresponding number. the voice seemed too cold and businesslike for his liking. the could have at least made the voice a friendly one. 

_"hey ash..it's luke. i guess you knew that though..iphones have caller id and you know my number by heart anyway.."_ the cold robotic voice was replaced with luke's thick accent, which even now gave ashton butterflies. 

_"i guess you're still asleep, but i wanted to call anyway, let you know that i love you and i miss you.."_  ashton's heart sped up and did little somersaults in his chest, the way it always did when luke said he loved him. but now the feeling was laced with a twinge of pain, like his heart miscalculated and fell funny mid-somersault. because he knew that he wasn't going to hear luke say it anymore. at least, not to his face.

_"uhm..i guess you probably knew that too.."_  luke giggled, and despite his best efforts, ashton cracked a small smile. it was hard not to, because luke's giggle was what ashton imagined was what a basket of newborn puppies at the end of a rainbows would sound like. if baskets of newborn puppies and the ends of rainbows existed outside of his mind. (he likes to think they exist though, the world would be a much better place if they did.)

_"i couldn't sleep because you're not here with me, and it's weird, and your nirvana shirt doesn't smell like you anymore, and hotel rooms are cold and you're like my personal human furnace cause you're always so warm...cuddling with the pillows just isn't the same, yanno? i hope you're not too lonely alone at the flat...maybe we should get a cat or something before i have to go on another work trip. so that you're not all alone. or maybe a puppy. one that would get big enough to really cuddle with. golden retrievers are supposed to be big and cuddly, i think...but we can talk about that later, okay? you're not awake and..shit, i have a meeting in five minutes. i gotta go, okay? love you, ashy, talk to you later."_ the message ends with a little kissy noise and rustling while luke scrambled to get ready. then there was a beep and the robotic voice returned with a list of possible commands and numbers to press.

ashton pressed the number to save and was about to end the call, maybe get up and drink the end of his now cold hot chocolate. maybe get dressed, when the voice informed him that he had  _"one, new message."_

he thought it was probably michael. or some telemarketer, or maybe his mum. but he decided to listen to it anyway because the little notification at the top of the screen annoyed him to no end.

to his surprise, the voice on the other end wasn't michael.

or a telemarketer.

or his mum.

_"ashton? i-..it's luke. call me if you get a chance, if you don't hate me..i wanna talk, okay?"_

**Author's Note:**

> So thats it. I didn't plan the happy ending but I like open endings. So you can either decide what happens OR you could bug me to write a sequel. I could totally do that. Actually, I might do it anyway. But we'll see.
> 
> Just so we're all aware, if you're into sending prompts you can do that on tumblr (fckedniam) or twitter (@hensley5sos) and I'll stick it on the list. I have two that I'm working on right now for two different fandoms but really, I always love getting fic ideas.


End file.
